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News Flash
A Compilation of News Stories. 8-25-11 FNN -- Mayo Clinic introduced to the world Ms. Mary Troust. Ms. Troust 24 is remarkable as she is the first person in the world to receive a cloned heart. The organ is not a cadaver transplant as has been the issue in the past, but a matrix grown organ made from Ms. Troust's own stem cells. "There is no danger of rejection" said Dr. Berriden of the Mayo Clinic. "In the future we will be able to produce any organ to order, any organ of the body, any bone, any muscle. We will repair ourselves with ourselves. No one need be disfigured, no one need be disabled. Today is a first. It will be followed by many more until a day like today is commonplace." 10-23-11 AP Wire: New York -- The price of Oil has dropped to 25 dollars a barrel in an unprecedented fall. ---- MessyNBC: Pasadena -- JPL Robotics Director Dr. Jackson Roykirk is pleased to announce the approval of the Nomad series of super-luminal probes to seek out life in near by star systems. The first of the Nomads should be ready within two years with the propulsion system and control module based on the successful WX-100 robotic test craft. ---- ABC News: Mobile Alabama -- The State of Alabama has filed for relief from the presence of three very large crude carriers I.E. supertankers that have been anchored off the coast of Mobile for 60 days. The Coast Guard has been requested to move the tankers as they pose a risk in the current hurricane season. ---- FNN: Long Beach -- The Warp Drive Project has announced that the manned WX-200 craft is ready for testing. Test Pilot Susan Anderson has been chosen as the pilot for the first fight. ---- CNN: Gagarin City -- United States Space Command has announced that the first Challenger Class Cruiser is ready for fight testing. The vessel to be named USS Francis R. Scobee will begin its contractor's shake down cruiser within the month. ---- CNN: Washington DC -- The FAA has announced emergency rules for flying cars. A new category of wingless aircraft using Anti-Gravity that will be classed Experimental has been set up. The FAA is requiring that all persons wishing to operate wingless anti-gravity craft (WAGC) be licensed to do so. All such craft must also pass an FAA inspection. ---- Wired: Schenectady, New York -- The General Electric Co has announced the "Solo System" Krellite cell for total household use. Combined with the standard electrical grid connection it assures an uninterrupted source of household current for the whole house in the event of any interruption in service for a week or more depending on instillation. The Solo System can also be combined with local power generation of wind, solar or other methods. Prices for the Solo System will run form 3000 to 20,000 dollars depending on duration, current delivered, and other options. ---- Washington Post: Washington DC -- Representative Blaine Luckemeyer (TR) MO 9 has called on Congress to remove all Aliens from the United States as being a risk to National Security. Luckemeyer has also introduced a bill to ban teleportation without a license and a flight plan. 12-10-11 FNN: The archives of the French Atomic Energy Commission have been dumped onto the public net. They can be found at the following URLs. Sources have indicated that these are genuine documents. They date from the 1950s to the current date. Warning the archive is shifting in location constantly, the urls given will take you there. The French government is desperately trying to find and seize the source files. ---- BBC International: Huan has declared itself a nation in fact and is willing to be recognized and recognize other nations. Huan has stated it is a total break with the Beijing Maoist government. Beijing of course is not pleased and is promising five kinds of hot reprisal to any nation that recognizes Huan. ---- CNN: NASA Tranquility Science Station has announced the early opening of the Von Bran family wing. ---- ABC News: The Tellerites are here! The Telleite trade mission continues its tour of the Earth. We are please to say that the Tellerites have been getting warm welcomes were ever they go. 4-23-12 BBC International: Bejing: (Triumphant martial music.) "The gallant forces of Emperor Chow Yung have taken the city and ousted the tired remnants of the criminal Maoist rebels. (Images of people destroying the huge portraits of the Communist leaders in Tinaman square.) The Dragon Throne is restored. Chow Yong is the Father of the Chinese people, and urges the provinces to unite peacefully under his benevolent rule." (Images of Chow Yung receiving the elders of the city. Maidens dance and twirl ribbons.) Independent press is reporting that the remaining leaders of the Maoist government were paraded in the square and beheaded publicly. Chow Yung has taken residence in the palaces of the Forbidden City. It has once again been closed to the public. (Images of Chow Yung show a powerfully built Oriental man. He is wearing Yellow robes of the late imperial style.) 6-18-12 MessyNBC: New York The United Nations today announced that The Republic of Taiwan is to be reseated in the General Assembly under its own name. The China Question remains a difficult issue. The move was objected to "in the strongest terms" by the Imerial government of Beijing. ---- BBC International: Venezuela installed the new elected government. They are holding all international agreements under review. Recovery from the recent civil war continues.. The new government has announced that it will no longer deal with the United States DEA. They are also dealing with the issue of dropping oil prices. ---- CNN: France is pushing the EU to recognize the Successor States as they have done. "Greater china is dead." said spokespersons for the French Government. It is time we come to grips with that reality." ---- FNN: Long Beach: The Warp Drive Project Mission to Barnard Star continues to find exciting new discoveries. Captain Edgar Eager and crew are the Heroes of the hour. 11-26-12 AP Wire: NASA Kennedy Space Center: ARCHEOLOGY ON MARS! -- A confirmed archeological site has been found at a currently undisclosed location. Ground penetrating radar is indicating a sizable settlement under the sands. Who or what built this location is not known, but speculation that is related to the "Iconian Bowl" cannot be ruled out. ---- FNN dateline Seoul: Pyongyang Vanishes! -- Pyongyang North Korea has vanished from the map. There has been no reported detonation from any source but the entire city is missing. Satellite images show an undisturbed circle of land where the heart of Pyongyang once was. The remainder of the city is untouched and looks undamaged. There has been no comment from North Korea. ---- AP Wire: dateline MoonCorps of Discovery Moving Out -- The Corps of Discovery has initiated mission to explore the immediate area of our stellar neighborhood. Public Relations Manager Anthony Allion has announced that three missions are ongoing to discover and get to know our Stellar neighbors. Results will be announced as they are made keeping with the policy if truth and openness started by the Warp Drive Project. "Succeed or fail the people of Earth are right there with us.¨ Said Mr Allion, ---- LA Times dateline LA.Greyhawken Violence -- Prudence Libra former produces for the ongoing National Geographic Greyhawke Expedition has answered question from the LA Times regarding that Expedition. Chief among her replies is the statement that "Greyhawkens are weapon and violence crazed loons that we should have nothing to do with." said Ms. Libra. "They openly carry weapons and brandish them frequently." Ms. Librea is calling for the end of the highly dangerous Expedition and ending contact with the world. Molly Abba was sought for comment and relied "Persons of weak character should not have their statement taken at face value." Asked about they reported level of violence: "No worst than any city on Earth and less so due to the fact weapons are openly carried." Said Mrs Abba. ---- FNN dateline Washington DC. Diplomatic News -- The Ane Confederation has announced diplomatic missions to Vegaris (one House Osgui) Vulcan, Kentari, and Teller. 6-4-13 FNN -- Olympic City Mars. Calling themselves the United Persons Olympic City residents have declared they are a body politic separate from any Earth nation and holding forth no leaders. Today they have released their Document of Consent of the United Parties of Olympic City. Within they have enacted the Sentient Rights Agreement as a founding principle of their community. So far no Earth government has reacted to this declaration. ---- MessyNBC -- Redmond, Wa. Messysoft has announced its new AwareSecurity system designed to prevent AI attack on non AI systems. "AwareSecirity which will run on all Winders 9 systems will absolutely prevent any AI hacking attempts on Winders 9 and later systems. Those that have not upgraded to Winders 9, which will run on any trilogic system should do so at once" said MessySort Chairman Steve Baller. ---- CNN -- Washington DC President Robert M. Russel has stated that the administration will continue to not enforce the current drug laws unless force was used in any fashion. President Russel again called Drug Prohibition a total failure that has twisted our society worse then the problem it was suppose to stop, and something that should end now. He once again called on Congress to change the law accordingly. President Russel has come under increasingly heavy fire for his blanket pardons of non-violent drug offenders. ---- Faux News -- New Orleans, La The FBI is coming under increasing fire for not halting the rampant crime and violence that have broken out since the failure of the New Orleans local government due to the efforts of the anarchist PAC ARM. The rule of arms enforced by the inhumans of the DSH has not brought the city to any degree of greater order. "President Russel is directly responsible for this failure" said Elder Statesmen Carl Rove 8-23-13 CoD Press release: The ADF has officially announced that they are bowing out of the Solar Patrol. Sufficient locals have been trained and are qualified to continue the service under Earth control. The Corps of Discovery is now in total command. ---- AP wire: The Eyrian Navy has issued a specification for a fusion reactor/electrical generating plant that is under 10 foot high, 10 foot wide and 40 foot long. Several companies have placed bids. ---- Wired: Texas Instruments has announced the production of what they are calling Tricorder three. A one man usable tricorder smaller than a briefcase. It has a pistol grip format and weight of about three pounds. Orders are being accepted. ---- CNN: The Discovery Channel has announced the new series "Discovering Kentari" to air next year. The show is currently in production. Unstated is the clear intent to compete with the National Geographic Greyhawke Expedition that is taking the entertainment world by storm. ---- BBC International: Pope Francis has called Concilium Oecumenicum Vaticanum Tribus. The agenda has not been announced, but the Enlightenment Movement that has been sweeping religion in general is bound of be a discussion. The Pope had no comment about the agenda prior to the Council. 5-14-14 CNN -- Denton, Texas -- The Peterbuilt company has announced that the 2015 krellite powered "Land Cruiser" will include full auto navigation and auto drive. There is a high degree of concern among consumer protection organizations over the proliferation of auto drive technologies. ---- FNN -- Tallahassee, Fl. -- A state "No Lethal" law identical to those passed in Louisiana, New York, and Illinois has been introduced in the state legislature in both houses. Both bills have heavy bi-partisan support and multiple sponsors. The recent entirely one sided shootout in Miami-Dale county is cited as the incident that sparked this move. The initial suspect and a totally innocent man were killed in a literal hail of bullets that also wounded two police officers. Neither suspect was armed. Eye witnesses reported the men in the suspect car were trying to surrender when the police fired nearly 400 rounds into the car and everything around it. "The police are totally out of control and cannot be trusted with the public safety." said State senator Paul Resoun (B) the bill author. In a directly related move Governor Jeff Shrub has called for all involved officers to be decertified with firearms. He has ordered the Attorney General to pull the CCW permits of every officer involved in the shoot out. 'this is unconscionable, and unreasonable for the pubic to be at greater risk form the police that the criminals." said Governor Jeff Shrub. The Miami-Dale Police officers' Union refused comment. ---- MessyNBC -- Dearborn, MI -- Ford Motor Company has announced that the Crown Victoria mark will be reintroduced for 2015 as an anti gravity ground car with full auto drive standard. ---- Discovery News -- Holllyweird, Ca -- The Discovery Network announced the "Interstellar Discovery" series filmed in cooperation with the Corps of Discovery. It will begin is September 2014. This stunning series will highlight the amazing work of the Corps of Discovery in illuminating the worlds in our own stellar neighborhood." said Discovery Spokesperson Mary Thorth. The series is to be presented in a semi-documentary style highlighting the individual discoveries of various crews rather than following a single crew. It was noted that 90% of space travel is very boring. ---- Nat Geo -- Washington DC -- The National Geographic Society has confirmed the second season of the runaway hit series 'The National Geographic Greyhawke Expedition". The crews are currently in hiatus. "We got enough film in the first six months of the expedition to give us six years of weekly shows. 52 weeks of weekly shows per year. Not just great TV but we have a stunning amount of science." stated spokesman and expedition member Dr. Craig Lee Fetours. Dr. Fetours also stated that he would be taking a less forward place in the show. "Mikki Ashby is a natural. No point in messing with that." Also announced that they will continue the popular interview show "Helenanna" featuring the Centaur Helenanna interviewing various celebrities. HUFF has continued its protest of the objectification of the Centaur Helenanna in her lack of dress. Helenanna when asked for comment stated "They can stuff it up their twat, they are not using them for anything else.". Nao Geo backed her statements as genuine. "We don't pay her to be politically correct." said an unnamed spokesperson. ---- Faux News -- Boston, Ma -- Local Maker and political crank Tom Swift is suing the State of Massachusetts over the "road use" taxes. "My AG ground car does not impact the road at any point." Stated Mr Swift. "Why should I pay for road services I don't need? Concrete, gravel, lawn, plowed or unplowed it doesn't matter." further Added Mr. Swift. The State declined comment on pending lawsuits. 6-3-14 MessyNBC New York -- Bank of America has announced the opening of the New ABC Data center. A true 21st century innovative approach to banking. The 25 million dollar data center will run the Advance Banking Client]. A new generation of ATM that can handle all tasks currently done by tellers. Opening accounts to cashier’s checks. As the ABC is rolled out a convenient five dollar fee will be changed to access the few remaining Human beings that are not getting huge executive bonuses. ---- BBC International Tokyo -- Soni Corporation has announced the world wide subspace accessible Soni Network. The Soni Network is no longer for games only but is designed to function as a full service Internet service provider for both Ethernet and subspace routers. Soni has also announced a six month promotion in which all laptop, desktop and Soni Entertainment systems will come with an internal or external subspace router. ---- CNN Dover, De -- The Standard Oil Company has filed for chapter 11 reorganization in the Federal Court. Company spoke persons site the falling demand for oil. ---- Rolling Stone Toronto -- Spokespersons for Justin Berber regretfully have confirmed that the troubled pop star has been turned into a Mouse. They are refusing further comment "at this time". ---- FNN The Moon -- The Solar Patrol has announced that six new stations designated Thunderbird One through Six will be placed in mid Earth orbit. They are equipped with multiple transporters and will be used for rescue situations without regard to persons or national origin. The six stations recently arrived from El Nanth on the ADF Gunga Din, having been built at Builder Station shipyards by the Ane Confederation. ---- Al Jazup Moscow -- The result of the Russian national elections are in and in a surprise move Deniska Rogdanov of the Russian Monarchists Party has taken the polling by storm. 6-4-14 Irrational Inquisitor Cuppertino, Ca. - the ghost of Steve Jobs manifested in Fruit HQ. The apparition raged at Fruit for making subspace transceivers and tricorders too large and clunky. "THINNER! THINNER!!" Job's anguished spirit howled from beyond the grave. One engineer who asked not to be identified, showed white hair and a traumatized thousand yard stare. "He tormented me and showed me hell itself. But I think I got a couple of ideas." When asked why he stayed, the engineer replied "For what they're paying? Are you kidding?" Fruit is reportedly days away from announcing their own Fruit subspace network, exclusively for iFruit products. Fruit stock jumped at the news. 6-11-14 AP Wire: The Ane Confederation has announced that the ADF Gunga Din is shortly arriving with space for 50,000 refugees. At this time the refugee slots are open to all not just those with technical skills. The Ane Embassy indicates that this will be the situation from now on. Contact the Ane Embassy for details. ---- CNN: An incident in Tunsa Ok. is being called a "Stunner Riot" by local police. A violent incident at a local street fair triggered a barrage of phaser beams as bystanders got dragged into the incident. Police are refraining from comment until they get a better handle on the breakdown of the situation. ---- FNN: Qatar has broken out in total revolution. As of 9:00 AM local time the From all indications the guest workers, maintained in slave conditions had all the guns, and the local police and military had none. The US Embassy is on lock down. Reports are saying that there have been few shootings. Most of the Guest Workers are demanding to exit the country. They are asking the United States to aid them in getting home. ---- MessyNBC: Sacramento CA. State Congresscritter Barney Flute (TR) is calling for technology to track when and where a phaser is used. "Phasers are free ride murder machines." Said Flute "You ain't got no ballistics, no powder burns or nothin' like that. You can't tell who shot who." Flute continued. Flute has promised to introduce ill considered legislation to worsen the problem soon. 6-22-14 BBC International -- New York, New York -- The United Nations in a severe break with past policy has announces the seating of the Chinese separatist states of Tibet, Huan, and Sichuan State. In related news the Eyrian Empire of Greyhawke continues to turn down the offered seat in the General Assembly. Eryrian Ambassador to the United States commented "We appreciate the offer but really have no opinion on Earth matters, nor deserve one." Stated Ambassador Jerlane. ---- Huff & Puff Post -- Northern California Tribal Confederation. Ca. -- Reports continue to trickle out of the Mount Shasta camping grounds of large talking racoons. We are certain that this is a sure sign that the final breakout is much closer that authorities wish us to believe. Huff & Puff Post invites you to comment if you have turned into something different. ---- Faux News -- Tulsa Ok -- The Reverend Dr. Mark Mateland, President of leading education institution Oral Robbers University has called on all believers to get ready for the End Times. "Brothers and sisters, even the Godless administration of Robert Russel must admit that the signs of the End Times are upon us." said Dr. Mark Mateland. "They call it breakout and try and lull you in to believing it is just an event, but the signs are on us. Gay Marriage, aliens, and unnatural creatures walk the Earth. Christ is coming for his own, be ready" continued Dr. Mark Mateland. Those with further questions are invited to contact the University though Faithbook, God's social media. ---- Mother Jones -- Locdu, Scotland -- The Collegium Arcane is once again making a public call to those that practice magic to contact them. Collegium spokesperson expressed belief that there are many more practitioners of magic that people realize. Past persecution may have driven them underground, but they are there. Anne Counter of Faux News invited all witches to burn themselves and save everyone else the trouble. 7-22-14 MessyNBC -- Sacramento, Ca -- State sources indicate the California legislature is debating a per mile road use tax as the sudden rise of the krellite cell has tanked the gravy train that was gasoline taxes. "Electric cars have certainly improved the environment, but is is still using fire and must be punished. We cannot allow taxpayers to drive in California on the cheap." Said State Representative Barney Flute. Privacy advocates are concerned at the closed door debates and are demanding the proceedings be opened to the public. ---- Faux News -- Mexico City, Mexico -- Government sources indicate that citizen militias, using advanced military weapons, have attacked and by all reports destroyed the Knight's Templar drug cartel. Reports are fragmentary but what cane be told is that a major battle was engaged and fought over a period of 48 hours. Militia sources are claiming a complete victory. There is great concern over the source of the militia weapons. The presence of gun running is obvious but no effort has been made by the Russel administration to locate or stop this illegal flow of assault rifles and other military grade ordinance. There is a good possibility that the unsanctioned militias will not stop at drug cartels but will overthrown the government as well. ---- FNN -- The Moon -- Corps of Discovery spokesperson Anthony Allion has conformed that the girls kidnapped by terrorist group Boko Dodo have been recovered by stations Thunderbird 3 and Thunderbird 4. "All persons held by the group that did not wish to be there have been returned to their families. Like arraignments will be made for any person kidnapped we are made aware of." Said Anthony Allion. The Corps of Discovery has still refused to be involved in the politics of any region, but will only rescue the victims. ---- BBC International - Rochester, Mn, USA -- Today the Mayo Clinic has announced that have reversed a major limb amputation in a human being. The patient, name currently withheld, was treated for an above the knee leg amputation suffered five years ago. The cloned limb was attached two weeks ago in a 6 hour surgery and the patient is up and walking normally at this time. ---- AP Wire -- Olympic City, Mars -- The Bob & Frank Ducker Mining Consortium has announced the largest iridium strike found on Mars to date. "Sensor data indicates we have found the main pipe of Olympic Mons. Send money whores and booze." Stated company spokesman Frank Ducker. Representatives for War God Limited refused comment. 11-12-14 Faux News -- NY, NY -- Leading Christian publisher Calvary Press has published the Book of Blessings and the Book of Enlightenment in hard cover. Currently available by special order only. Calvary Press has said they will aggressively defend their rightful copyright on these publications. ---- CNN -- Los Angeles, Ca -- Noted mystic and medium Xena Mystique was found dead in her home this morning. Police have not issued a cause of death. Chief Charlie Beck of the LAPD has stated that the death is being treated as a homicide at this time. He refused further comment. Updates: The FBI Bureau 13 has been brought in on the investigation. Officials are making no further statements at this time. The matter is "under investigation", there are no suspects. Chief Charlie Beck of the LAPD refused to comment on the rumored attack on an LAPD officer. "The matter is under investigation, we are pulling in experts we feel we need. There is nothing more to say at this time." said Chief Charlie Beck. ---- High Times - Washington DC -- Today President Robert M. Russel signed an executive order removing Marijuana from the list of class 1 drugs. He has ordered the FDA to reevaluate all class one drugs with the possible purpose of eliminating the category. ---- Los Angeles Times -- Los Angeles -- Police chief has decried the passage of Measure A, the Police Arms Limitations Ordinance as making the job of the police force impossible and empowering criminals to do as they please. Civil Rights advocate Chris Raymond replied "Cry me a river. They brought this on themselves." ---- MessyNBC -- Sacramento, Ca -- With both Proposition 2 and Proposition 11 having passed in the recent election both sides are gearing up for what looks to be a protracted legal battle over exactly what the law now is in regards to magic. 12-21-14 CNBC -- Miami -- US Coast Guard reports rescuing a large cruise ship off the Florida coast in conjunction with the Royal Caribbean ship Freedom of the Seas. The ship was cleared by The Solar Patrol Thunderbird 2 station. All passengers and crew of the unknown vessel of unknown class and unknown registry are Tanuki. The 4500 persons are the largest example of the Tanuki Rain to date and the only example that has left a major physical artifact. All persons recovered are currently being processed by US Immigration are refugees. An unnamed government spokesperson reports they will be treated as any such refugees have been. They are reaching out to the current Tanuki community for aid in integrating the refugees. The ship sunk off the Florida coast in 100 feet of water it's upper works are still visible. The Coast Guard has reported there is no danger of ecological damage as the ship is fusion fueled. Update: The Blackmane Brothers have savaged the vessel turning it over to the Walt Dizney Corporation for refitting and service. Dizney spokesperson refused comment at this time saying the ship needs to be evaluated by the Coast Guard and engineers before any plans are made. The ship currently designated "Dizney X" is in the Miamai shipyards. ---- E! -- Hollyweird -- E! proudly announces the creation of the exciting Woodmanor unit. A permanent news crew in the shining Eyrian Capital of Woodmaor that will give us all the breathless excitement of the glittering court of the imposing Emperor Tesral and his ravishing wife the Empress Sabrina who so recently graced our nation's venerable Capital with their august presence. We look forward to their fascinating reports. ---- AP Wire -- Moon -- The Corps of Discovery has announced the launching of the Colombia Class Cruiser the Richard Douglas Husband. The R.D. Husband is scheduled to enter active service after a 90 day shake down and inspection cruise. She will be rolling out under the Command of Captain Susan Anderson, noted as the first woman to walk on the Moon and Mars. ---- Faux News -- Washington DC. -- Minority Leader Ted Crude has announced that he is suing President Russel for his abandonment of Drug Enforcement. "He is leaving American Youth to the ravages of uncontrolled drug use by ending the necessary work of the DEA." said Senator Crude. "Police will have to trade in their Cadillacs for Chevys without all that drug seizure money." ---- Miami Herald -- Tallahassee -- Governor Jeb Shrub signed into law to day the Florida No Lethal Act requiring all police forces in the state to switch to stunners only. Florida is the fourth stat to make his move after Louisiana, New York, and Illinois. California turned down such a measure in the 2014 Election 1-2-15 Faux News -- Topeka, KS -- State Representative William Nobran ® has announced that he has introduced a bill in the State House to ban Ley lines from crossing the state of Kansas. "I expect that my fellow representatives will see this bill as the measured response that it is to the problem of godless magic and co-sign in droves." said Rep Nobran. ---- AP Wire -- Talltrees MT -- City fathers have announced a crash expansion of local housing to deal with the sudden influx of the cruise ship survivors. The Church of Blackmane is aiding with the fast growth of trees. ---- FNN -- Moon -- The Corps of Discovery announced today the commissioning of the new El Nanth supplied CDSS Farsight, a Basking Ray class cruiser. The CDSS Farsight will join other Corps of Discovery vessels in exploration of the Galaxy. The announcement was made today by Captain Jeffery Christopher who is transferring from the CDSS Michael J. Smith. Captain Christopher announced that their first mission is to the world of Vich-Ar. The Vicharrians having recently visited Earth. ---- BBC -- Rome -- The Vatican announced today that Cardinal Stern has been demoted from the Arch-Diocese of Boston to Chaplin of the Knights of Malta for his constant conservative out lashing against the Enlightenment Movement and the conciliatory tone of Pope Francis. Category:Events Category:Intangibles Category:Culture